Is it Co-Sleeping or Something Else?

Co-sleeping is one of those hotly debated issues that I feel straddles the line between healthy and unhealthy sleep habits and associations. I think that it can be a perfectly fine way for families to sleep when it's done right and is working for everyone involved. It's how my son slept most nights (and a lot of naps) until he was around 3-4 years old, so I'm no stranger to the family bed.

I think it's unhealthy when it's not working for everyone involved. If both parents who sleep in the bed disagree with co-sleeping, for instance, then something is going to have to give. I can't exactly tell from your email, but your language ("I suppose it's a more natural choice" and mom "gives in" and your son "gets what he wants") seems to indicate that you aren't really too keen on the situation. In your case, too, it's not even as though your son sleeps with you, but rather that your wife sleeps with him in his bed. This is not a traditional family bed situation, but rather a probably desperate solution to a problem that can be fixed another way.

If your child isn't getting enough sleep (which, for a child your son's age is about 13 hours split between around 11 hours of sleep at night and a 2-hour nap) co-sleeping could be part of the problem and it can lead to sleep deprivation. A child should not be keeping adult hours. If your child regularly goes to bed late and wakes up early (as many adults do) then he's probably not getting enough sleep or is compensating for the loss by falling asleep in the car, at the lunch or dinner table or wherever he can.

Keeping a child on an adult sleep schedule is one way parents do the family bed the wrong way. More commonly, though, this problem arises because parents started a sleep association (like falling asleep in the child's bed) that they no longer want to be involved in. At first they may have been keeping the child's schedule but as that became impractical, they kept up the old habit but shifted the bedtime to their own adult bedtime.

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