As my precious, five year old, granddaughter, was watching me put on my makeup, she casually said she was going to get contact lenses.
I thought this was odd because two weeks earlier she watched me put in contacts and said, "That's yucky!I'm never going to wear contacts.
" As a bullying prevention consultant, I wondered if something was up.
So I calmly asked her why she wanted contacts.
She replied, "Because I look dumb in glasses!"As you can imagine I was pretty surprised and more convinced something was going on.
I gently asked, "Why do you think you look dumb in glasses?" She said, "Because Jessica said so!" I found out that Jessica was a little girl who sat next to her in her kindergarten class.
Now my insides were burning and I wanted to jump down a few people's throats --the teacher, Jessica's mom, the principal, pretty much anyone else who was near.
But, I had learned that doesn't solve the problem (although it might bring a lot of pleasure for the moment).
Making it okay to wear glasses I desperately wanted to reassure my granddaughter, but knew that could make it worse and I couldn't be there to make things okay forever.
Just saying Jessica was being silly might shut my granddaughter up, but her hurt feelings would still be there and now they would be underground.
I had learned that kids taunt others because they enjoy the reaction like watching them cry.
They will keep poking at kids until they find one who reacts and then keep teasing.
So one of the keys to stopping bullying is to stop reacting.
That doesn't mean to just suppress a reaction, but to really have the issue not matter.
So the first thing I needed to do was to have my granddaughter feel okay about wearing glasses and they don't make people look dumb.
Luckily, one of the world's most famous singers, Nana Mousskouri, wears thick, black-framed glasses.
She always has them on, even in publicity pictures.
"Do you know one of the world's most famous singers wears glasses?" I askedThen told her all about Nana Mousskouri, how pretty she is, what a beautiful, lilting voice she has.
And people all over the world love and respect her and she always wears glasses.
" My granddaughter listened with rapt attention.
She said, "Really?" Later that morning we went to Borders and looked at a CD of Nana Mousskouri.
My granddaughter was so excited to see Nana Mousskouri's face fill the CD cover with her heavy, black-framed glasses on.
We bought one of the CD's and my granddaughter played it incessantly for days.
That put a huge crimp in the idea that she looked dumb wearing glasses! Next, teaching her how to respond to teasing in a way that stops it.
That night, Saturday, after reading my granddaughter a story we were laying there in the dark while she was getting ready to go to sleep.
"What do you think you might say to Jessica, if she does that again?" I asked my granddaughter.
She didn't know, and we talked about what would be respectful and appropriate.
We went over several possible responses from "Shut up," to "Duh!!!" We laughed and settled on respectfully saying, "Jessica, I wear glasses so I can see" and then dropping it.
Laying there in the dark we practiced role playing.
That's when I realized the true viciousness of the girl who was taunting my granddaughter.
I was playing Jessica and said, "You look funny in glasses.
"My granddaughter said, "Oh, no Grandma she says it in a much meaner voice than that.
" This was not easy on me.
My instinct is to do everything I can to protect my granddaughter.
But shielding her from this could make her more insecure because she could think there is something wrong that's why she had to be protected, making her more dependent and feel helpless.
Treating it as an event she could handle and going over how to do it seemed like it would give her confidence that she could deal effectively with problems.
So we practiced a couple of times and let it go.
Rehearsing not only prepared my granddaughter how to respond, going over it several times also took the sting out of it and made it not such a big deal.
Epilogue I read a lot of mystery stories and they frequently have an epilogue, so here's this one.
Monday evening I was back home, a few hours away, when I picked up my telephone messages.
I wanted to dance a jig as I listened to a message from my granddaughter.
She bubbled excitedly into the phone, "Grandma, it really worked!" Then she said, "And you're the best grandma in the whole world.
" But the most interesting part was what the teacher told my daughter, that none of us knew.
Later that week the teacher explained to my daughter that she had noticed my granddaughter seemed very sad recently.
The teacher figured it was because she had moved my granddaughter into a higher reading group and she missed her friends.
Over the weekend the teacher had decided it would best to put her back into the lower reading group thinking it would make her happier.
However, she noticed that when my granddaughter came to school on Monday, she was her old happy self and decided to leave her in the new group.
Little did anyone know that the teasing was what had been upsetting my granddaughter and learning how to deal with it turned that around! The piece de resistance was when Jessica decided she wanted my granddaughter to be her friend and asked for a play date.
Basic Steps for Handling Teasing*

1. Identify what your child is being teased about.
   
2. Make it okay to be that way and accept it.
   (If your child is fat, or a brain - discuss it and help your child accept it without judgment.
   )
3. Role play how to respectfully respond or not react.
   - If your child is overweight and someone says, "You're fat.
   She might say, "Yep! I am.
   "

*These are steps for handling teasing or mild bullying.
If your child is in physical danger or being severely hurt in any way, you should immediately contact the teacher and the principal of your child's school.